Seriously....today. WOW. The end of today was enough to make me forget about all the good stuff I did today. I got the last bits of paperwork signed for my oldest to receive the extra help he needs in school. I went grocery shopping. I danced with my children, I took a kid to a doctors appointment. And yet all I can see is the disaster that this evening was.
Trying to have Family Home Evening....and NO ONE is listening. I even prepared a great lesson for tonight...and it was TRASHED. Not a single child was helping. I'm sure I could have handled it differently. But Daddy was gone for work...and I was flying solo. Yelling is about my only weapon....and it NEVER works. Yelling at children is about as much as a weapon as slapping Attila the Hun with a spaghetti noodle. All it does is make the situation worse.
I hurried through the lesson, giving up ALL hope that they'd listen at all. We began singing the closing song and I had to yell, in the middle of the song, at another child pestering someone. So I picked up the pace and sang the whole song in a few seconds flat. Then I growl at all of them to go to bed.
They are so rowdy, the entire basement is riddled with laughter, growling, and all manner of boy noises. Then I hear a whimper. My second oldest is my most tender child. He was under his bed, very upset. After questioning why he was under there he said through his tears, "its the quietest place i could find. There is too much yelling." If anyone knows how to break my heart...its him. He doesn't sleep well unless the entire evening goes smoothly. And NOTHING about tonight went smoothly.
So we read....not because they earned it, because heaven knows they didn't, but because its how my children calm down for bed. Its not a reward, its routine. Then I have to go upstairs and settle the girls.
Eventually the boys begin to trickle upstairs again. Usually I yell and send them to bed with but swats, but I turn around...and it's the same child. Almost in tears, "Mom, can I take a shower, that always calms me down. I can't go to sleep when I feel like this." Sighing, I relent. I can't say no to him. He's being responsible and trying to calm himself down before going to bed.
So, now I'm sitting here, not thinking of my victories, but of how much better I could have handled this evening. Another child has come in and wormed her way onto my lap. Never time to think, never time to find a clean spot in the house, never time, never time.
So I'll hold her, and say yes to him, because there isn't time. Yes it's crazy, but its my job to teach them. I supposed I've calmed down a bit. And I'll take the time for those that need it, because there isn't enough time to do everything, just the important stuff.
